Damsels in Distress: Book Two: Desperately Ever After Trilogy by Laura Kenyon

Author:Laura Kenyon [Kenyon, Laura]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Laura Kenyon
Published: 2014-08-25T16:00:00+00:00

THE MARESTAM MIRROR

Diamond Ropes and Velvet Cake

By Perrin Hildebrand, King of Gossip

BAD LUCK abounds for Tantalise Queen Snow White and her hubby, whose peace-loving, cloistered lifestyle has been flipped fully on its side in just a few days.

After skewering them throughout the headlines and demanding their crowns, the newly-formed Monarchy Morality Coalition has taken aim at something new: the couple’s pending adoption. And they’ve actually made it on the board.

According to Mildred Pierce, official mouthpiece of Home Sweet Home, the agency is exercising its right to place the Whites’ application under additional review. “Home Sweet Home has a responsibility to provide our youngsters with loving homes and exemplary life guides. When something like this happens, we are obligated to step back and make sure we didn’t miss anything when we issued our initial approval. It’s simply standard protocol.”

What’s more, word is that Parliament has been working on a decree that would establish a supreme set of “lifestyle standards” for all sitting monarchs. Among the discussed requirements: A no tolerance policy for all mind-altering drugs, limits on public consumption of alcohol, and monthly surprise home inspections by the Prime Minister himself.

SOMETHING tells me it’s no coincidence that UKM Polls chose this week to release its annual state of the realm survey—and confidence in the monarchies has plummeted.

According to the report, forty-one percent of citizens would consider switching from a constitutional polymonarchy to a Parliamentary republic—eighteen more percentage points than four years ago!

Still, it’s worth noting that the survey was conducted from May 1 to June 30 of this year, when Marestam was coming to terms with King Donner’s affair and the possibility of watching ruling royals divorce for the first time in decades. (A topic on which, I must confess, information has been almost nonexistent. Neither party has filed, and their attorneys are more taped up than Queen Letitia’s bosom in a party dress.)*

WHICH brings me to my final order of business.

When Letitia married Sir Walter Hughes thirty-eight years ago, journalists drooled for months over the extravagance. There were roses covering every corner, doves unleashed by the hundreds, and twenty different rooms decorated in twenty different themes by color, music, and libation. But if you expected Riverfell’s Queen of Opulence to tone things down the second time around, you thought wrong.

For her upcoming wedding to sprightly William Wilkins, Earl of Grafton in the distant realm of Stularia, the regal diva was overheard spouting orders to a bevy of attendants at Kingfeld’s on Fifth Avenue. On the menu this time: Martinis with diamond-crusted rims, old-fashioned horse-and-carriage rides, and possibly a destination cocktail hour for the bridal party at a to-be-determined locale. Festivities will take place in December, not long after Letitia drags accompanies her eldest son Carter (who was spotted lunching with Kiarra Kane TWICE this week!) to the throne for his coronation.

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